Ambulance races by. Midnight_Hainesville. Alone in my room. Falling down. Confused. Disjointed.out-of-focus. Forgetting faces. Forgetting periods, forging distractions and falling in and out of dreaming. The complications and implications reseeding and echoing on the mind with every second dripping into unconsciousness. I was alone in thoughts, emotions and remembrances. Every kiss and every promise. Looking at me and me looking into you. Blurring faces. Same tastes. Different vignettes. Never forgetting. Always and ending.
Strangers stare as they pass by seeing myself holding you in some alley, in some bedroom, on a rooftop, a rave, a taxi cab, in the bathroom stall, on the beach and forever. Halfway down a marijuana cigarette and floating down the bottleneck of whiskey. Tracing lines of cocaine off the sink. After-Hours. Mischief. Romance. and happenings. Your favorite records, your favorite drug and haunts. That love you spelled on my lips. The state of being in love. State to state. From Sunset Park to Tennessee. Always finds me here in a bar half-past the hour. Reclusive and hidden in plain sight.
No one to someone. A nobody in the flesh, not just smoke and mirrors and smeared reflections. Yesterday, today, always and forever. Still remembering. Still keeping our secrets even if only a reprise with no reply. Now, sifting through the medley of songs that were ours. Closing my eyes. For all the loves I loved and still: the Amor’s, Lindsay’s, Autumns, Rebecca’s, Amy’s, Amanda’s, the Tiffany’s. Haunting. Dancing. Swirling into the dreaming of a no one. A nobody in plain sight. A vandal signing my name on the walls we build around memory. Sam. the hate that’s smothered by your name. Pillow talk and medications after-hours. Thumbing the pill bottle in my bed. The curtains closed and the blankets neat. My mask is drawn and nodding. The melatonin creeping. The windows are cracked. Listening to the night and the passers by whispering to each other; all the promises and serenades and the birds & the bees. The things we keep. The things we need. The things we forget and find again. Subverted in the playlist. Brings me back. Falling over and over again and on repeat. Til, I’ve fallen… to sleep.
– SamHaiNe…
samhaine.bandcamp.com
Previous FISHSCALES:
Fishscale Prt. 1 – https://beta.newretrowave.com/2018/11/20/fishscale-a-retro-flash-of-fiction-part-1/
Fishscale Prt. 2 – https://beta.newretrowave.com/2021/08/30/fish-scale-part-2-a-nostalgic-flash-fiction/
