Think I couldn’t get any more obscure with my picks. Just hold we’re going home. Back above ground and out of the spotlight. Here I am full time, riding the nostalgic wave of mutilation. I’m back with a bang and presenting this month’s Retro Movie of the Month – Vahsi Kan (Rampage) the 1983 Turkish reimagining, and in most points of view ripping off, of the Sylvester Stallone classic First Blood.
First, let me make this clear—You Do Not Need Subtitles To Enjoy This Movie! I repeat: You Do Not Need Subtitles To Enjoy This Movie! Why; because you’re not going to get any subtitles.
Cuneyt Arkin is our lead “Man of Action”, “Lone warrior” who was framed by Hasmet (the evil doer with no arms). The film starts off with a series of executions by Hasmet’s mercenaries. Kicking off the shenanigans with enough devastating Street Fighter combinations and T&A to wet your curiosity; I consider this the prologue to the actual story. A car filled with people is attacked by what appears to be Viagra fueled zombies. The older gentleman is shot in the head, the young boy is thrown from the car and karate chopped in the clavicle before being left to die in a car explosion that kills two soldiers escorting Cunyet Arkin across the countryside to his prison. The only survivor of the wreckage is a young woman; we will call her “Cheetarah”. Cheetarah was dragged into the woods to be I guess “fondled” by the blue pill walking dead; or so they seem. Turns out the zombies were just more henchmen of the evil Hasmet. The commanding officer of Hasmet’s men is Osmen, who looks like Vincent Price’s stunt man.
Cuneyt Arkin manages to escape and survive in the wilderness with his handy custom bowie knife. He evades danger, he eats land crabs and scorpions, and he makes new clothes out of burlap sacks – looking like a commando Flintstone. He is so focused on what is going on and how to survive that he completely ignores Cheetarah’s sexual advances and flirtations. He’s a man of little words but 100% fast frame rate fury.
The violence is better than most Blaxploitation films and very laughable at times. They made the best with what they had. It’s all very laughable but, there is some sort of style to be had here. It’s like The Perfect Weapon meets First Blood had a baby and auctioned it off to a midnight grindhouse matinee on 42nd street.
The music is ripped from First Blood and you might even recognize some music from the Flash Gordon soundtrack sprinkled here and there for no reason what so ever.
All roads and violence leads up to the lair of the villainous Hasmet, an armless, legless psychopath with connections to our hero Arkin.
You Do Not Need Subtitles. You are encouraged and can very easily just sit back and turn your brain down and just laugh your private parts off. It is that damn entertaining. Now, strap in. Eat your mushrooms. Crack those tall cans of libation. Coors or Cheladas if you got’em. Be cool and chill. And keep your fingers on that damn rewind button.
